I became a Jesus follower back in 2009 when I was about 16 years old. I was in a healing state, but I truly wasn't walking a walk, or wasn't really opening my heart up to God's love. January 2, 2012 at the age of 19 I was asked to go to Passion Conference 2012 in Atlanta, Georgia, where Louie Giglio, Christine Caine, Beth Moore, Francis Chan, and some amazing Christian Bands. I've never been to something so intense in my life, better yet I went not knowing what I was getting myself into. I'll be honest... I didn't want to go because I was broken, scared, and I was just being an introvert. I did go because God told me I needed to go. It wasn't until the second day of this Passion Conference where Beth Moore spoke on the Woman in Luke 8:43-48 about the woman who bled for 12 years and touched the hem of Jesus garment that broke me down. The story of the woman she was in the midst of crowd, and Jesus noticed her, and noticed someone touched the hem and she was healed. That is one story that blows my mind and this story never gets old for me, because Jesus noticed this one woman in a crowd of probably hundreds of people. As I heard this story at the conference I just broke down with tears streaming down my face because that very moment I had this flashback of a 3 year old girl who was rejected and had a door slammed in her face. The 3 year old girl fell in the mud and needed help being cleaned off by her caregiver, and the words came out of the caregiver "I don't have time to deal with you" sunk in her little heart. Know that I've had this flashback in the past and it was devastation, and hurt every time I went back to the scene. But this time sitting in a crowd of about 40,000-50,000 College students listening to Beth Moore, I had the memory but this time as I pictured the door being slammed in my face I turned around and I saw Jesus on my tiny porch. He came towards me and got on my level as a 3 year old and touched my face and my heart and said "I am with you. You are not rejected, You Matter, You are loved. I AM YOUR FATHER, I WILL LOVE YOU and BE WITH YOU ALWAYS." I look back at my life and even from that earliest memory God's always been in my life. Before and even after I was a believer. There were times where depression, anxiety were so extreme that I couldn't handle life but God always interceded with a human being who loved Jesus to come speak truth, and remind me God will get you through this... And there were times where He sent people who had no clue I was struggling, and had no idea what I was feeling or thinking. In those times I was reminded of God's love and the fact He's known me and knew what my story was going to be, way before I was even born. I can't tell you how many times within my life I tried to fill the gaps, the holes, and brokenness within my heart; whether it be food, unhealthy relationships, pills, or even alcohol. I was missing something from my life and I chose to attempt to fill the gaps with destruction. Even the things I tried to fill the holes with things that never satisfied and I only disliked who I was. I lived an on going battle of seeking love in the wrong places and trying to feel something else than what I was feeling at the time. And majority of this was because of early childhood experiences I went through, especially the very first memory I can remember at the age of 3.
2013-2014 was a year of growth and a year of change in my life. Many changes occurred.. I met my forever family when I was 19 in 2012 right after this Passion Conference and let me tell you once again GOD ORCHESTRATED event, but I was adopted and legally given their last name when I was 21. Even though I was given this huge blessing, I still had to work on the core issues. I had parents who showed much love which is what I needed on this healing journey but it opened the door to realize I even more how much I needed to realize Jesus had a plan and a purpose for my life. In order to get to that place I needed the heart to be open in order for Him to pour his unconditional love within me. And He did. He's reminded me that nothing is going to fill the holes I had in my heart unless I let Jesus in to mend the heart. And let me say He has been mending and pouring His love out since I was born and when I opened my heart to Him, He showed me and is Healing me more everyday. Looking back today through many worldly things I've been exposed to and the destructives paths I've taken, and even my earliest memory Gods been with me.
And He's loved me through the darkest times, my sinful times, my saddest/heartbreaking times, and my joyful times.
Ephesians 2:4-5 "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved"
I don't know what you're facing, or what you're going through!! I don't know what you're filling those voids, hurts, anger, etc. with but you don't need to fill them with destructive things, because there's a Father who loves you, He loves who you are, He loves the way you are, and HIS LOVE OUT DOES THE THINGS YOU'RE FILLING YOUR LIFE WITH. He knows you, He knows where you've been, what you've done. He's a God who forgives, A God who Heals, A God who desperately loves you know matter what.. He is with you ALWAYS.
To my followers, to the readers, and so on... YOU ARE LOVED!!! BELIEVE IT
