I Will Love You Forever,and Be With You Always

Wow!! It's been way to long since I've typed a blog.. So here's my blog :) There were many events that led to different times in my life that are not in the blog due to you would probably be reading a novel.. :)

  I became a Jesus follower back in 2009 when I was about 16 years old.   I was in a healing state, but I truly wasn't walking a walk, or wasn't really opening my heart up to God's love.  January 2, 2012 at the age of 19 I was asked to go to Passion Conference 2012 in Atlanta, Georgia, where Louie Giglio, Christine Caine, Beth Moore, Francis Chan, and some amazing Christian Bands.  I've never been to something so intense in my life, better yet I went not knowing what I was getting myself into.  I'll be honest... I didn't want to go because I was broken, scared, and I was just being an introvert.  I did go because God told me I needed to go.  It wasn't until the second day of this Passion Conference where Beth Moore spoke on the Woman in Luke 8:43-48 about the woman who bled for 12 years and touched the hem of Jesus garment that broke me down.  The story of the woman she was in the midst of crowd, and Jesus noticed her, and noticed someone touched the hem and she was healed.  That is one story that blows my mind and this story never gets old for me, because Jesus noticed this one woman in a crowd of probably hundreds of people.  As I heard this story at the conference I just broke down with tears streaming down my face because that very moment I had this flashback of a 3 year old girl who was rejected and had a door slammed in her face.  The 3 year old girl fell in the mud and needed help being cleaned off by her caregiver, and the words came out of the caregiver "I don't have time to deal with you" sunk in her little heart.  Know that I've had this flashback in the past and it was devastation, and hurt every time I went back to the scene. But this time sitting in a crowd of about 40,000-50,000 College students listening to Beth Moore, I had the memory but this time as I pictured the door being slammed in my face I turned around and I saw Jesus on my tiny porch.  He came towards me and got on my level as a 3 year old and touched my face and my heart and said "I am with you.  You are not rejected, You Matter, You are loved.  I AM YOUR FATHER, I WILL LOVE YOU and BE WITH YOU ALWAYS." 

I look back at my life and even from that earliest memory God's always been in my life. Before and even after I was a believer.  There were times where depression, anxiety were so extreme that I couldn't handle life but God always interceded with a human being who loved Jesus to come speak truth, and remind me God will get you through this... And there were times where He sent people who had no clue I was struggling, and had no idea what I was feeling or thinking.  In those times I was reminded of God's love and the fact He's known me and knew what my story was going to be, way before I was even born.  I can't tell you how many times within my life I tried to fill the gaps, the holes, and brokenness within my heart; whether it be food, unhealthy relationships, pills, or even alcohol.  I was missing something from my life and I chose to attempt to fill the gaps with destruction.  Even the things I tried to fill the holes with things that never satisfied and I only disliked who I was.  I lived an on going battle of seeking love in the wrong places and trying to feel something else than what I was feeling at the time. And majority of this was because of early childhood experiences I went through, especially the very first memory I can remember at the age of 3.
 2013-2014 was a year of growth and a year of change in my life.  Many changes occurred.. I met my forever family when I was 19 in 2012 right after this Passion Conference and let me tell you once again GOD ORCHESTRATED event,  but I was adopted and legally given their last name when I was 21.  Even though I was given this huge blessing, I still had to work on the core issues.  I had parents who showed much love which is what I needed on this healing journey but it opened the door to realize I even more how much I needed to realize Jesus had a plan and a purpose for my life.  In order to get to that place I needed the heart to be open in order for Him to pour his unconditional love within me.  And He did.  He's reminded me that nothing is going to fill the holes I had in my heart unless I let Jesus in to mend the heart.  And let me say He has been mending and pouring His love out since I was born and when I opened my heart to Him, He showed me and is Healing me more everyday.  Looking back today through many worldly things I've been exposed to and the destructives paths I've taken, and even my earliest memory Gods been with me.
And He's loved me through the darkest times, my sinful times, my saddest/heartbreaking times, and my joyful times.
Ephesians 2:4-5 "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved"

I don't know what you're facing, or what you're going through!! I don't know what you're filling those voids, hurts, anger, etc. with but you don't need to fill them with destructive things, because there's a Father who loves you, He loves who you are, He loves the way you are, and HIS LOVE OUT DOES THE THINGS YOU'RE FILLING YOUR LIFE WITH.  He knows you, He knows where you've been, what you've done. He's a God who forgives, A God who Heals, A God who desperately loves you know matter what.. He is with you ALWAYS.

To my followers, to the readers, and so on... YOU ARE LOVED!!! BELIEVE IT

Life without a dad... To a life with a dad...

                This topic has just been constantly going through my mind, because of people I’ve ran into, my own experiences, and what has been revealed to me through truth.  We live in a society where many dads are out of the picture, and out of their children’s lives.  From experience and knowledge they’re girls who so desperately need a daddy, a dad, and a father.  They need a mommy, a mom, and a mother also, to comfort and teach what it’s like to be a mom, and a wife.  We also need not only an earthly father but we need our Heavenly Father the one who knows His children the most.  So I’m going to dive on in and give you a snapshot of my experience and my heart and how it felt to go through life without an earthly dad.

                To be honest I don’t have many memories of my biological dad.  Well at least any that is truly good.  I remember being a child and wishing I could be like the other girls that had dads who loved and supported their daughters in sports or chorus concerts or a dad that just said “I love you” without having something attached to it.  I’ll be straight out honest I grew up in a very dysfunctional home, I know every family is not perfect but mine was just very dysfunctional for majority of my life.  I grew up in home where we were pushed to be perfect not in academics but in sports, dance, and looks.  For a girl in Elementary school and middle school going through sports, and dance was difficult.  I remember being in t-ball, softball, volleyball, soccer, and basketball looking out to the stands at the age of 4 and thinking “why aren't my parents here?  Why are all my friends on my team have their parents here and I don’t?”  As a young girl it was heartbreaking I was pressured to do sports because my biological dad was going for the NFL, and he played sports all his life.  I didn’t understand how you could pressure someone to do all these sports and then not come to support, to watch, to cheer, and be proud.  In dance for our recitals I remember every girl getting flowers and their picture taken with their dad’s and mine never did or came to them.  Rewinding to the past I became a care-giver at a young age, a fixer and a pleaser.  I wanted to make my parents happy, and proud.  But to me it never seemed “Good enough.”  I felt very neglected, abandoned and alone at a very young age.  I lost majority of my childhood trying to be a mom, a pleaser, and an adult.  Let me flat out say that I have forgiven my biological dad and I love him and pray for restoration and healing in his life today.  If you were to ask me about 3 years ago if I felt that way I would definitely not have said that.  My biological dad is an alcoholic, and that’s all I ever known him to be, and that’s why he missed out on majority of his children’s life.  He chose alcohol over his wife, children and his own life.   I was easily manipulated into trying to “save him” at the ages of 12-17.  I felt guilty I felt sorry for him and I did not like him but I didn’t want to see him die.  The days I spent with my biological dad I watched him waste his life by drinking every day and taking pills.  My parents divorced the year of 2010, I was no longer in the house and I had been living elsewhere at the time.  I watched my biological dad not treat his wife, his children the right way.  We lived in a very dark place.  We were used, abused, lied to , manipulated and guilted almost every day of our lives.  As I grew up and got older my desire was for him to say “I’m beautiful, I love you, and you are enough!”  I never got any of that and if I did there was “I love you but you have to do this for me and you have to choose me over your mother.”  I heard the words “you are not doing a good enough job” my biological dad drank quite a lot, but he also worked out about 6x a day.  I think sometimes he lied and was secretly drinking; actually I know he was drinking secretly.  I was shown off when he wanted me to be shown off to his friends or family members and that’s really when I felt like he loved me but it only lasted a few hours.  In my mind I couldn’t understand why I kept running back to him its almost felt like there was this chain that was connected to him, and it didn’t make sense because he wasn’t a dad but my heart felt that I was responsible for his drinking that I must of done something wrong… I wasn’t good enough.  Those lies I believed for many years. 

                So in my life time I seeked for love in all the wrong places.  I got into many relationships that got me into trouble.  I truly believed, this will always be my life all guys are the same.  I was lonely, neglected, abandoned, and I wanted my dad to be a dad.  So 2010 I’m 17 years old living with another family.  I lived with plenty of families and I tried to have relationships with the dad’s but I was scared of them, didn’t trust and I didn’t know how to act because to be honest it was awkward.  So 17 years old I actually did not live far from my actual house and my biological mom had left with my other siblings and my biological dad was left alone.  I snuck in the house knowing he was passed out on the couch his room or on the floor he had a cycle he lost most of his jobs due to going to work drunk and he had great jobs but he let them go to waste.  At this point he just lost his job, his wife, he lost his kids a long time ago, and he lost himself.  The routine was he would wake up at 6am start drinking by 10am he passed out he would wake up at 3pm take some pills to sleep and drink, wake up 5-6 go get more alcohol and would eat a little and then drink again and pass out.  Truth was he was a hurting man, and a broken man who had no hope.  So I would sneak in the house periodically knowing he was not awake to check to make sure he was still alive.  To watch your biological dad give up on life and cope in the unhealthiest way is the most stomach twisting, exhausting, and heartbreaking experience to watch.  So he ended up losing the house and moved to an apartment downtown where we lived.  I’ll never forget turning 18 not seeing my family on my birthday or the last few months.  My friend and I were sitting across the street from my biological dad’s apartment which I didn’t really know he lived there at the time and I saw him carrying his 24 back of Bud light into his place.  To myself I thought my own biological dad is drinking on the day I was born and I never got a happy birthday from him.  Once again I wasn’t good enough, he didn’t love me.  So not long after my birthday he was sent to rehab.  I started college and I still felt bad for him.  He was alone no one to support him and I felt like it was still my job to fix him.  This was a sick manipulation game that I fell into.  I was pulled into believing the lies that he had told me that my biological mom never loved me, that I had to be on his side and he will give me anything I wanted.  My biological dad could buy me anything with the money he really didn’t have but that was love to him.  He only loved me if I sided with him and helped him.  He became mean after a while, rehab was doing nothing for him because he was still drinking, and I became sick and exhausted.  So I finally stopped all communication I stopped seeing him I stopped wanting to see him.  I realized he would always be the same unless he was truly saved by Jesus.  Was it hard yes, and I had fallen in my trap where I started believing lies that I had to help and fix him. 

                So nineteen years old I realized that I believed that all of me belonged to my biological dad.  He owned me and that he had control over me.  But truth was I didn’t belong to him and I had the choice to let him control me.  Easy to say, hard to do.  I have had struggles still do but I was 19 struggling with life and realizing I really wanted a mom but I wanted a dad and I needed a father.  At 19 by Gods divine plan for my life he gave me a dad.  A new dad who loved Jesus, his wife, and his children.  To be honest it was not easy to accept I had trust issues, I had insecurities and fears but God had a plan to make my adopted dad my dad.  I was given a family who wanted to be part of my life.  Crazy but God gave me a dad and a dad who would actually talk to me, who cared for me, and would drive me crazy at times.  He loves me for me and wants to protect, guide, and treat me like an actual daughter.  My adopted dad has easily become one of my favorite people here on earth, but it’s like I’ve known him my whole life.  He definitely is patient with me and my struggles but he is the most loving, gentle, caring man I have ever met.  God gave me a second chance to see what a true man of God is like, and what a dad should be like.  I was given a chance to begin to trust a man and he was the first man on this earth that I have ever trusted.  I can actually give him hugs and not feel awkward and when he says “I love you” I know he means it with nothing attached to it.  I’ve watched my God given dad be a husband and he loves his wife, and would do anything for her and loves her unconditionally.  I’ve watched my adopted dad unconditionally love his children even though we drive him nuts, he would drop anything to help us.  My adopted parents are my biggest supporters in what I do and the ones who I can share my crazy idea’s or my heart.  My memorable moment was probably the first time he ever said “you are beautiful” those words from a dad are just like “hello I need a box of tissues.”  Those words are so profound and so imaginably crazy to hear because those words I never heard growing up.  We are two peas in a pod…. Literally we are identical in many ways and I kind of look like him.  The most special thing he was willing to do was giving me his last name.  Never in my lifetime would I ever expect anything like that to happen.  So August 20^th, 2013 I became Brittany Nicole Naylor.  Every day I learn something new and every day I grow closer to who I call my dad.  It is not a perfect relationship but if there is anyone besides my adopted mother I would want to be, I want to be like him.  He has shown me what love of a father is like he has shown leadership, and compassion, and to grow in Christ.  He is my dad and I love him and I am beyond blessed that God placed this man in my life to be my dad. 

                So my last point.  I look back at my life at the age of 21 and can say that I had a Heavenly Father watching over me all these years, actually my whole life.  All those years I felt alone, abandoned, neglected, not good enough, He was their holding me in the palm of His hands.  He had a divine plan and purpose and knew that my adopted dad was going to be my dad and be an example of Christ.  I can’t explain why my biological dad did what he did and it’s not my place to figure it out, I’ve spent a good chunk of life trying to understand it and I have to just lay at the cross into Jesus hand’s.  He knows.  I can’t help but think of Psalms 139 Jesus knew me before and knows me now and has seen me in the darkness of life and yet he chose this life for me and chose to Redeem, restore, and give me a dad.  I also know I don’t belong to my biological dad, I don’t belong to my adopted dad, but I belong to my Heavenly Daddy.  He knows me the most who has given me strength, new eyes, and a new life.   God knew though that I needed an example of a father to teach, pray and to guide his daughter the right direction.  I truly believe God gave me my dad so I know what my husband should be like, and a father to my children if that is God’s plans.  I cannot wait to face my Heavenly Father and to hug him and to thank Him to know He’s loved me all this time through the dark times but through my sins, and to give me a second chance not just with a new dad but with a new life.  I have a crazy story but God’s never given up on me and He never will.  My earthly daddy I know even through my dark and my hard times he would never give up on me either.  Thanking God for allowing me to experience that.  Daughters need a dad, to be an example of a Man, and to know what protection and comfort and guidance is like.  Daughters need their Heavenly Father to trust, to find comfort, peace, and truth.  My new life, my new adopted family has given me the ability to heal, to regain trust, to love, and to forgive the brokenness from the years.  And at this moment all I can do is thank Jesus for accepting me as His daughter and for blessing me with an earthly dad who has accepted me as his daughter also.  

The Old has gone the New has come

     2 Corinthians 5:17 says "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here!"  This verse has been a theme verse for the last two and half years since I came across it.  Not only did the words speak to me but little did I know how much my life was going to change.

 So if you must know.... This is my family :) my family consists of a Dad named David, a mother named Kelli,  A brother named Dustin which comes with a bonus sister named Annie and their children Mikayla, Eli, and Bianca.  Next I have a sister/best friend Britni which comes with a nephew Hudson.  Than their is my brother Nick which comes with a bonus sister named Stephanie and their son Nolan.. Last but not least the two little twin hooligans Dawson and Jaxson.  How God orchestrated this relationship is unbelievable.  It was all part of His plan though.   

    So.  This is how it plays out.  So the year of 2011 their was so many events going on in my life.  Finding my identity, figuring out who I was.  Dealing with pain and brokeness from a haunting past.  Many trials were thrown at me but my relationships began to change and my heart began to change.  I began to realize the only one I could really trust in life was Jesus.

  So January of 2012 I was invited to go to a conference called Passion in Atlanta Georgia. I only knew 3 people that were going.  and there was a bus of 40 some college age students.  I will say I was really not interested in meeting new people.  At the time I was shy and just not sure about people.  So, this conference was literally over 42000 college students at the DOME... Can you say ginormous..  There was so many amazing speakers and singers and students on fire for the Lord.  It was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.  On the 2nd day there was a group that I had traveled with sitting on the ground and some couches during a break.  I remember just minding my own business when all of a sudden I heard a girl sharing her testimony and just having doubt about life.  I got up walked towards her offered to help her and that I understand where she comes from.  Little did I know that I would share my testimony with married couples, group leaders and students.  This became a new me.  I wasn't that open, I never came out of my comfort zone unless I knew someone for a long time. The conference ended and we headed our journey back on the bus to Iowa.  Everybody from that bus I became friends with and has had a huge impact in my life.  It's almost like we grew as a family.  Their was a lady on my bus who was talking about her church and at the time I was just looking for a solid church and she introduced me to Hope!  I grew in a relationship with this lady and began attending this church.  

   March of 2012 came around and I was asked to go to this Christian Retreat weekend.  The lady who told me about Hope kept pushing me and saying I needed to go.  I hesitated and I once again knew I was going to have to make new friends.  And on top of that I really didn't know anyone who was going.  So after being beatin up inside by a friend who pushed me to go to I finally gave in.  And once again God decided to intervene.  I sat at a table of about 8 women and I only knew a girl who was around my age.  I was quite, I was unsure, I was feeling weird.  I remember looking at my table at the women thinking O my gosh their all older than me I wonder what they think of me.  Than I remember looking at this blonde hair women, who just gave me goosebumps everytime I looked at her.  I was unsure but I knew this lady was going to impact my life.  I began to open up to these women about who I was and my life and where God had me now.  Than it happened... the 2nd to last night this lady who gave me goosebumps got up and spoke.  My heart was beating out of my chest, and I couldn't help but just want to talk to her and be open with her.  

  So life went on and I just felt like this women needed to be in my life.  We developed a close relationship and i began to come to her house to work on our Project called Reclaimed 5:17 making old things into new :) .. It was than I wasn't sure where I was going to live and wanted to live than God opened a door.  A door that changed my life.  They took me under their wing, and I became close with her twin boys and her older children.  Growing up I never knew what a healthy normal family was.  I never knew what it was like for a family to be involved in each others life, and I never had older siblings.  Months and months went by and i grew in this close relationship with this family.  I still held onto old patterns, and things from the past, and I can say it wasn't easy but God :) has and is still working.  Healing in a way where I'm letting go of old patterns and letting new awesome healthy patterns in.  Letting go of what was and letting in new life.  Through my pain and struggling I had two parents who have loved me and has stood by my side helping me and encouraging me.  I have siblings who love and support who talk to me and they all want to be involved in my life.  And my younger siblings have put this huge place in my heart to realize how you act and what you do in front of them, they are watching, and how important it is to be an example.  Realize how you act impacts those around's you.   I have lived with many of families and never understood why no one wanted to keep me but it led up to this family.  He had a plan and this was my new family.  We have our ups we have our downs we have our moments but you know Jesus has been involved in our lives from the beginning of time.  

   My heart had healed.  It's almost like God placed His hand on my heart and said trust me with this one.  This is to experience what family is.  And to realize He has been with me through it all and hasn't left my side yet.  He designed everything to reveal Himself to me.    And how could I doubt a magnificent Creator.  This family hasn't changed my life Jesus has and has used this family to teach me new things and to heal. My past doesn't change but how I view it and how I act upon it can change.  Psalm 147:3 "He heals the broken hearted and binds their wounds."  He is and still is.  God revealed is You don't belong to anybody here on earth not even your biological family, like my sister B1 has said "Family structure is no longer defined by blood, but by doing God’s will". You belong in HIM My bioligical name was Brittany Nicole Jackson on August 20, 2013 the old was gone and the new came I became part of a family and I guess they're not going anywhere... O and with the new coming in my name became Brittany Nicole Naylor.  I became a daughter, a sister, a bonus sister, an aunt, a niece, a granddaughter a friend... And my story isn't finished yet :) 

Their is hope for you and me ... Let God write your story! Let Him take your baggage, I promise you it is not to much for Him to carry.  Believe He has a Plan and purpose.  You come from a terrible life, and you feel like yours is far more worst than others.. I've been there done that and Thats a LIE!! He can make you into a new Creation, forgive you for your sins, and wipe your slate clean.  He can give you new life, Their is hope not in people, objects but in Christ.  You feel their is so much pain and scars from your past.  Their all part of a testimony.. Your scars are wounds that have been healed.   He heals ALL brokenhearted people.  

Many Blessings,

Brittany Nicole Naylor

P.S. Love you Dad-David Mom- Kelli for sharing your name 

Kim Walker...Jesus Culture..Enough said.

This girl has some lungs, needless to say one of the most authentic voices I have ever heard. There is just this power from her voices definitely a gift from God that just reaches into a heart of a listener.  The truth just sticks in your mind and heart.  Highly reccomended to listen to.

 

Well.... Its been awhile since I've last done this, I don't even know where to start at. My heart has just been overwhelmed with the truth especially coming from Music. Lately, the perfect song at the perfect time has come on the radio, making me sit there in awe or tears.. Why? Because God completely knows where (I) or where we are in our life and sometimes..I mean most of the time, for me He seems to reveal Himself through lyrics or songs on the radio.. Almost everyday.  How cool is that?  Just a reminder of how wonderful and how amazing our God is. 

 

Lifes been full of seasons this past year and many questions have just filled my mind and my heart? Confused on why God allows things to happen, or where is He when i feel so overwhelmed with life or broken or hurt.  Maybe this is a common question you have in your life or in your walk with the Lord.  The days go by and you keep fighting and fighting the battle in your life trying to do it on your own (prideful).  Maybe broken down and seems like theres nothing to grasp ahold of or the whisper of truth seems to fade away.  WHAT IS THERE TO DO?? I will willingly admit I have had these questions flee my brain.  My heart just wants to push away the truth because its almost to hard to face it.  or I've tried to search and search and cant seem to find the answers to life.  The fight gets harder, almost to a point where your strength is gone and you are worn out. 

I believe this is so common in any human beings life unless you are just awesome and dont have it. But i truly believe everyone at one point in there life tumbles across this.  It's funny to look back though and see where God completely had His hands on you or trying to reveal Himself to you through the most simplist things and the Biggest things. I have experience somthing quite close to this not that long ago. I was trying to fight my own battles or struggles I've been facing in my life. Trying to understand, what is going on in my own life, and trying to find closure on many things.  Yet, not understanding why God had allowed some things to happen?  its like I became faithless while He remained Faithful.  I would start to question something and right then and there God would just give me a glimpse of Himself the sound of truth.  I wouldn't really listen to it at first but than a few hours later it would sit in, what just really happened.  I would turn to something else or someone else rather than the One who was there who wanted me to look to Him rather than void what He had to offer.  Selfish on my part Big Time. 

It opened my eyes when i hit rock bottom and couldnt get back up.  So Turn Your Eyes upon Jesus.  And than I looked to Him the One who understands everythiing your going through the One who knows you the best than anybody else.. Who feels what you feel and is willing to heal and give you the strength to fight the fight.  He allows the burdens of life to go on His shoulders and He carries the weight of the world on His shoulders also.  What Kind of Love is that... Basically  the best kind of love out there that Only HE can give.  Process... but its like the walls are crumbling down and the questions are in His Hands.. And one day I will get to know the answers and God has a perfect time for me to know... :) This goes for all of YOOU who are reading this ..... Time and patience

 

Many blessing

Brittany Nicole

 

Recent song i have just written through this time I had been experiencing...

Truth

Brittany Nicole

 

 

Everyday I know your near

Everytime I pray I know You'll hear

Keep my eyes towards Jesus face

And fall in the hands of amazing grace.

 

And my heart starts turning

Once Again.

His love for me it never ends.

And the fight I keep fighting

has already been won

And I watch the story come undone

 

Broken pieces to the puzzle mend

Every scar every wound

its covered with

unending Love, the blood of the Son

The One who we have hope...

He's coming soon.

 

Every tear that falls

He catches them all

Holds them tight, He'll show His light

through fear and fustration

through laughter and anger

He stands by Our side through

the Divine adventure

 

Day by Day He still remains

Faithful and true

throughout the seasons

I stand here still amazed by You...

Fall has come and so has a new song

Recently I've been in this season of life and Gods just been doing some crazy awesome things.  And I was reading Psalm 139 over and over again.. And just seeing that God sees us and He once again has known where were at and our story... And its so easy to get wrapped up in our mind that your alone or better yet no one understands what your going through.. My whole life I had always pretended to be someone I wasnt trying to please people and look a certain way believing that I could belong and be happy.  Truth is thats not what happen it was a very unhappy place and I was selfish in my ways of thinking.  I would do anything possible to show realness in every aspect.  A smile can say so much yet a heart can say so much more but its so easy to cover up your heart... You have this desire to be real with yourself and everyone else but you care to much what people think so you don't or at least i have had that problem.. People always thought of me having the perfect life better yet a perfect everything and truth was my life was far from perfect.  FAR... Especially before I had a relationship with Christ.  I see so many broken girls who are going through what I once have gone through wanting to be real but they cant and its so easy to get in that place to relate and there not alone... God created us He is our awesome Creator and we are His delicate Masterpiece where He truly knows our needs and desires.  He knows the real us and is there ready for us to be honest with ourselves.. And He just wants to love on us redeem us heal us and save us from the hurts pains in our lives.  He wants us to be real with our emotions and real with people and have awesome relationships.  So as i see what i've gone through what others gone through and reading psalm 139 i couldnt resist but write a song... so walla :)

Many blessings
Brittany Nicole
   I have let the people
define who I am
I have let them see
a glowing mask
I have shown a side
that everyone can see.
but no one really knows
who i am
                          The walls are building up
                         My heart is caving in
                                  The tears I'm holding back
                           I'm drowning from within
                        A simple little glimpse
                               maybe they would understand
                             but no one really knows who I am
   Closing my eyes
Breathing in deep
taking step forward
than two steps back
A whisper in the wind
Says I've seen where you been
And my child you are
safe in My hands
                         Beginning and end
                             I've been with you since
                          before your time even began
                          I know every fear
                                And seen ever single tear
                          My daughter I know my
                                 Beloved child
                                        
                                  

Seasons come and go

This has been one of the craziest past months of my life.  I've been trying to understand whats been going on in this crazy life of mine.  From things pulling away from me.  To losing things. To having to give things away. None of it has made sense to me.  All the things I have ever cherished seems to be fading away.  For awhile I havent been able to understand it.  I will be honest and say the way i have acted upon it was trying to hold time to items people and things I dont need.  Week ago my grandpa passed away.  This man was one of the most amazing people in my life.  He comes from being hard working loving not the most perfect life but a great awesome grandpa. If it wasnt for him teaching me how to fish to go mushroom hunt and teaching his kids how to get through life and work hard I definetly would probably be a spoiled brat.  Haha but i thank the Lord that He's given me some good people in my life :).   He taught me so much in life and to work hard and have a positive outlook on everything.  He didnt complain once as he had been fighting lukemia for a few years.  And God finally took him home... I sat there and held his hand, sang with him, and I asked God why He was taking the one I look up to away.  My heart was shattered.  As I sat and wondered God opened my eyes to show me He is enough.  God is always there and those possessions you hold are nothing compared to what Jesus did.  My heart began to let go of those little things.  I realized the selfishness in my heart and it was time to KICK it AWAY.  There is nothing compared to what Jesus did on the Christ and how much He loved us to do that.  I realized that people are going to fail you also and you really cannot be dependable or rely on them but you can still love them no matter what.
     I love my 5 uncles there wives my 3 aunts and all my cousins and even my family.  God has completely blessed me with a loving loving family.  I spent so much time with them over the course of my grandpas last days and I have been so blessed to get to know all my family.  I havent ever been that close with them but I see where God had mended these relationships opened doors and just worked in tremendous ways.  :) and neat thing was right after Grandpas Celebration of life ceremony was over a new baby cousin was born in the family :)
     Time is so crucial here on earth.  We live in a sick and fallen world.. As I watched my grandpa struggling at the end as sadden just got the best of me.. Something I knew is that my grandpa wanted us to keep going in life being positive with our heads up high..  I have already felt like I had wasted so much time in the pastn dwelling, worrying, being fearful, and so on and I didnt want to waste anymore time with something I would regret.  What is there to dwell worry or be fearful with we have Jesus?? I mean really think about it?? With everything going on in your life thats terrible or you dont understand...  Pray and ask GOd what He's trying to show you through this time rather than trying to sit with it for a lonnnnnng time.  HE DOES ANSWER AND LISTEN TO PRAYERS... Sometimes you just have to be patient.  He is there with those loving arms ready to hold onto you no matter what it is. Again life isnt easy but God wont give you something you cant handle.. Trust in him... Its easy to say but so hard to do...
   So I pray for any of you who are reading this struggling with possessions that you really give those little things up and focus on the Lord who is much more bigger than anything.  I pray with what your going through happy sad angry and so on that you just rely on God in everything.  Realize how you are spending your time and how you handle things... God is bigger than your problems.  I pray you find joy and freedom one day that only the Lord can give you.

time&purpose

Recently, its been a huge impact on my heart how i spend my time.  It is very easy to distracted with this chaotic and crazy world we live in.. Believe me it is so easy.  We live in a society where we get so wrapped up in our lives and sometimes to a point of selfishness.  My eyes have seen people just dwell with themselves and the pain and suffering of this world where they cannot feel they cannot move they can do nothing.  Some get to a point where there wanting the self pity the world given in there hands.  TRUTH:::: We are here on earth for a short amount of time... time goes by so fast and its so crucial we make the most of it and what the Lord has given to us.  Broken world we live in and many are hurting and need Jesus and not knowing there purpose in life and they are wasting so much time and its so important as Christians to reach out and Love on these people and let them know the time we have on this earth.  A verse that has really has stood out to me for the past year is Matthew 9:37-38 "Then he said to his disciples," The harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest."  We have a purpose to reach out to the non-believers, the hurting, the confused.. and so on.  Time is so crucial to be wrapped up in yourself and your problems thinking your miserable when truth is you can heal and deal and move on or stay in a bondage trap for the rest of your life. Things maybe rough to but God will get you through it if you trust in Him. His love is greater than anything else.  So i say get up do a dance, sing a song, read the story of Love.  Take your pain and sorrow, anxiety give it to Christ and let Him mold you and move on in life.. He is bigger than anything else.  :)
    Experience I had about a year ago. I had just got done speaking with a group of girls and a 12 year old girl comes up to me saying there is no point for her to live on this earth.. She comes from a pretty broken family and a  broken life.. She has believed a lie for so long that there is no purpose for her and it seems like no one has TIME for her.  My heart crumbled to see the hurt of this child.  I couldnt help but put my hands on her face and say Those are lies and there is someone who has time for you ALWAYS... I just am astound of the Lords work.  I explained to her the time we have on earth and her purpose.  And a smile just grew across her face when truth was given to her.  I prayed and prayed hoping she would hand over this life of hers to the Lord and just be in truth.  I have talked to her throughout the months and ran into her one day when I was in town for an event about a few months ago.  I was walking downtown and I heard my name being yelled across the street, it was that sweet girl.  A smile so bright I knew something had changed within her precious heart.  She explained to me how she had give her life to the One who saved her and God had revealed her purpose more and more to her.. and she knew she cant waste time wondering and asking questions about life every minute and everyday.. The precious girl said words that just sent chills up my spine, she said, "When God reveals my purpose more and more I see His love more and more throughout my life."  :) ..
   So I wrote these lyrics a few days ago based on this story... And I pray for all of you that you choose wisely how you spend your time on this earth for it wont be long till we are called HOME... I pray for those who don't believe you have a purpose in this life that you realize God created you in such a special way and He has great plans for you and Allow Him in to feel what your feeling and let Him work within you because HE LOVES YOU..... ALOT
love to all
Brittany Nicole

Same old girl
Who wants the whole world in her hands
But I've seen a girl
Whose broken instead.
Her heart is breaking 
more each day
Trying to hold on
but things fall away
Nothing seems to matter anymore
So she'll walk away from life being unsure

I'll pray for her
Open the skies and let her see
I pray someday she'll reach out
and just be free
Her tears hit my heart
everyday
Even if it seems like it
Your not far away
Love is such a simple word
but not when it comes from a heavenly Father

Some years later
There's a smile I haven't ever seen
Chains have been broken
God gave her eyes now 
she can see
Life's been restored
All things become brand new
Love everlasting will never leave her
For she gave her life to the One 
who saved her...